Life has been so tough at the moment which brings me to the point of giving up. Since I've staffing DTS school up in ChiangRai, I've learned so much through people and situations. I used to think it could be easy to hang out with people and make friend with them. The time I'm working with people can be time of getting to know myself better. I've found I'm very strong will person, and it takes risk for people to reach to me. Grief inside of my heart keeps pouring out because of myselfishness, and I broke down manytime when I face with it. God gave such a great friend, Mae, coz she opened my eyes to see that friend is not just how good I am, but it's about love purely from God. She is going to love me as I am not just because I'm mature person and I did good in everything. The real love which I've touched right now helps me to look to God much better, for there is a hole in me that I need someone to fill me up, and God reveals himself through my friend.



I'm used to have only friendship with people,but I haven't done to the part of partnership to accomplish some tasks together, and in this DTS I was practicing on those stuff. Yep, when it was hard, I was ready to quite, and run away, but what is in God's heart was different. He wants to see me grow through this hardship time. He wants to bring me closer to my friend and work out our relationship in the better way. I was hopeless to deal with myself, I felt I'm a jerk and I'm nobody to anyone. God met in the midst of my self-rejection, and I'm releasing to the bondage that I haven't relized before. God is good always! I understood myself where I'm at better. I can reach to other easily because these self rejection couldn't limit me in God's ministry. I'm standing up to fight with it, and God is my side.

What zup,

Time flies so fast, life runs so slow. I felt like I don't have much time to process what's happening in me, but what I know is that I'm going to travel to Pattaya with my team and stay there for 5 weeks.

I'm struggling in my own insecure that I care so much of others' thinking. I don't have much confident to do something, and I always ask myself if I did good enough. Sometimes I went to someone and talked about the stuff that I was wrong, but no one cares about it. Anyway, I'm learning to let it go and to keep my eyes on to Jesus. Jesus didn't please himself, but he chose to please his people, and I'm practicing to support others and to care for them more than myself. An excuse I love to use is that I'm a kind of introverted person, so I like to isolate myself and can't get into deep relationship with anyone. Now I learn to be balance, and I sense God honors what I'm willing to do.

I'm exciting to go back down in Central area coz I miss my crew so much. I have appiontment of visa interview on June 1, in Bangkok, so I'm going to see my dearest friend as well. Praise God, I'm exciting what he is doing in my life, but at the same time I'm controlling myself to make today as the best day for him.

Blessings,

Kate